my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
