We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
