Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
