I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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