Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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