Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
