Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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