Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
