i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
