woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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