he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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