well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So apparently I’m into choking now
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