i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
