Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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