i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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