No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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