my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
