i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
