Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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