let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
