so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We had to coat check the pizza.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
