just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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