She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
