I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
