ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
