Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
