I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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