you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
