Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All I want is dick and wine.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
