it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
