Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
