every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
