Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it glows. i had to have it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
