Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
