my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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