Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
