i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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