Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
