you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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