i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
