Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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