Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
