Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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