Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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