is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
