clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
