either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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