how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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