haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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