i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
