Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
